Saturday, May 14, 2005 ______________________________________________________________________________

Cop Out 

My grandparents arrive in Vancouver today and I completely neglected to do what they asked me to do prior to their arrival. I didn't call my parents and try to make amends. In my defense, I faked a lost cell phone and I truly lost my voice for a while. Oy, what a mess this is going to be.

See, they wanted me to make amends with my parents mainly because the last time I visted on a regular basis was when they were here. My parents picked up on the fact that I only vist when they are here, and most frequently of all when my parents are gone and my grandparents are babysitting and got a little jealous. Which in turn put my grandparents in an understandably awkward position. It's not their fault I don't want to have much (if anything) to do with my parents. Yet their visits only serve to highlight that I am not excluding my entire family, but am selectively avoiding my parents. See, if the case were that I was ostracizing myself from my family, then it's a little less personal. But it's personal, and they know it.

So this time around, my grandparents want to see me. They also want to avoid all the strange sentiments that would be floating around as a result of that. In fact, I think they've been denying that they have been in touch with me. A lie that exploded rather spectacularly when I consented to their giving my paternal grandparents my contact number. So now both sets of grandparents call me on a regular basis and at least one set if not two is telling my parents about it.

Plus, my grandparents are coming laden with gifts for me from a great number of relatives, also whom I an obviously in touch with. Yah. The thing with my parents is personal, and it's about to get really obvious.

Then again, what the hell do you say after a year and a half of silence? Especially if in truth, you really want to have nothing to do with them again after your grandparents leave?

See. I had a little less than two weeks to come up with that answer, and I still don't have it. Can any of you do any better? I seriously doubt it, but I would like to invite everyone to try. :P

While on the topic of emoticons, does anyone know who the hell [: is? Left a stupid message on my tagboard. Bloody anonymous posters.

You know, I can come up with a host of good reasons not to ever have anything to do with my parents ever again. Since our estrangement, my grades have risen spectacularly, my confidence has reached new heights and my sense of self is more defined than ever before. I even have a working theory that my mother is a sociopath. Charles Manson was a sociopath. I've studied this condition in two classes (and soon will study it in a third) and while I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis, I am certainly qualified to suspect with greater accuracy than the average person is. Despite all these reasons though, I know that there will be people out there who tell me that the parent-child relationship should supercede all of this. I don't buy it. I think the self is more important than a single biological bond (especially if you're biologically bonded to a borderline psycho). I know that last statement wasn't very Chinese, but to bow to tradition for the sake of tradition? Well that's just bourgeoisie.

I still don't know how the events will play out. My grandparents are going to be here until mid-Sept, so I'm steeling myself for the drama that is undoubtedly going to ensue. One thing is clear though, I am not going to allow my parents to play the victim (their favourite strategy) in any of this.

posted by Joie! at 11:14 a.m.


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