Wednesday, April 19, 2006 ______________________________________________________________________________

My mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch... 

Joie1: ...She's a bitch to all the boys and girls! *bows* Thank you, thank you.

Joie2: Great Joie. That was very highbrow. Very classy, very mature. Nice, Joie, nice.

Joie1: Look, I would've put the whole song in but blogger has a limit on post title lengths. Besides, you know she is.

Joie2: Yes, but....

Joie1: But what? I mean shit man, I'm still smarting from the weekend.

Joie2: You know you shouldn't dwell on it, she can't do anything to you if you don't...

Joie1: Shut up. You suck. You're dwelling on it too. I mean you're the one who actually earned those grades, I just announced them when they arrived.

Joie2: Well, yes. And I don't think the world needs to know again how well I'm doing academically.

Joie1: Or about the other things besides raw grades you're doing to massage your grad school application into nice shape.

Joie2: *blush* well, yes. No thanks to you, you port drinking lush.

Joie1: Hey man, that port was not my fault. I was just going to buy some sherry when that friendly liquor store employee started asking me if I needed help.

Joie2: You could've said no.

Joie1: But he's gay, and you know they have great taste, I wanted to see what he would suggest...and his suggestion turned out great.

Joie2: Which is why you're fucking chain drinking it.

Joie1: Well, not exactly chain drinking...Hey! You! Don't change the subject. We're here because mom's a bitch. She's a big fat bitch. She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch. She's a bitch to all the boys and girls! (in D minor)

Joie2: Look just because she made some snide comments, with that big innocent look on her face, in front of everyone so you couldn't respond by calling her a bitch. Goddamn it, you're right, she is a bitch.

Joie1: Ah-ha! You think so too.

Joie2: Because, now that I think about it more, it was so damn uncalled for. I mean just because I mentioned to dad that he needn't really pull strings to get me into the Master's program of choice and just because she's bitter because she never made it into any university (and really, instead of blaming it on the fact that she couldn't get in, she dwells on the fact that her dad couldn't afford to send her to one of those American universities that take in just anybody if they paid tuition) and that she dropped out of the Open university (for crying out loud, it's frigging adult education, you can't flunk out of that university - it is one of those places that you can get a degree from if you just pay the tuition...) she takes it upon herself to be mean and snippy when it comes to my academic success.

Joie1: Whoa there, you might wanna breathe a little.

Joie2: Fuck man, what the fuck was with her implying that I was too shit to make it anywhere without dad's help? What the hell did she think she was playing at telling me that she was "too scared to look at my grades" and to ask what I've bombed lately. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I may have slacked off this last few weeks but that's only because I can because I have a 90+ average in my Audiology courses and an A average for everything else.

Joie1: The world does not need to hear that again.

Joie2: Oh right. Sorry. But oh man, it was all I could do to not jump over dad in the La-z-boy and slap her smug, it-was-just-an-innocent-comment face. Then proceed to grab her by the hair and smack her face into the radiator, again and again and again.

Joie1: Uhh. Ooooookay...

Joie2: She just made me so mad. Thanks for restraining me and mentioning that her comments were unfounded.

Joie1: If I knew what you were planning to do, I might not have held you back.

Joie2: But that was still no excuse for that display of immaturity you just put on.

Joie1: What the hell are you talking about?

Joie2: That comment, on that guy's blog. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE...

Joie1: Oh, you mean Chris Seck? Hey man, that had nothing to do with mom (except maybe the fact that her upbringing is not condusive to playing well with others).

Joie2: What has he ever done to you?

Joie1: Well, he's chauvenistic, mysogynistic and he's one of those people who thinks he's really smart because he can sustain a thought for an extended period of time. Of course those thoughts are merely pompous and not actually insightful. How he does go on and on, it's like masturbating in public the way he espouses his opinions.

Joie2: You know, it is his blog which means he's entitled to write whatever the hell he wants to on it. Besides, you don't actually have to read it.

Joie1: But it's like a car crash on the highway. Or those Maury shows where the dregs of society run dozens of men through paternity tests without actually finding the father of their child, or Jerry Springer transvestite specials. You just can't look away, even though you know you should. At any rate, the comment's there and there's nothing you or I can do about it.

Joie2: You know, you might be able to login and edit or delete the...


Joie2: Aiight, your call. Afterall, you are the epitome of maturity...

posted by Joie! at 8:49 p.m.


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